i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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