You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
