I met the friendliest cop last night
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
