he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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