The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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