my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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