i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
