dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
