I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
