we made out on top of his cat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
