Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
