that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
