i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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