there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
