Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
