she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
