normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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