this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
