last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
