Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
