My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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