I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Come on in and take your pants off
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