Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize