FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This baby is an asshole
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
