Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
