Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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