Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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