Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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