i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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