Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
