I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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