Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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