there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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