Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
