Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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