she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
