I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
