At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I need moral support for this bender
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
