Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
