Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
