...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
