so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
