I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The best revenge is premature balding
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize