Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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