I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize