im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
