I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
