Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
