I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
