We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How external is "for external use only"?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
