oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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