Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
