I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
