im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have demons in me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
