He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
