Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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