i jhust puked up my retainher.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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