It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
