I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
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I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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