do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
