doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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