i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
God gave him joint rollers for hands
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
