Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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