A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
