drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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