I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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