Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
