Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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