while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
