Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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