so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
