I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
