Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
