you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
