So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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