guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
