I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
