it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
