My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There r osticjed everywhere
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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