I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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